You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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