remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
