You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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