bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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