the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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