I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
