No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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