I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
