why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
