found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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