K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
