I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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