Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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