I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
