her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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