bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
