is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
