I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
