Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
