if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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