you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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