I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
