If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
