Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
