I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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