So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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