I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
and she was petting her beer can
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
