I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
we're so committed to being not committed
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
