I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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