And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
