I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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