i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
