do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
