how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
