I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
