is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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