apparently the secret to your success is patron
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
