so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
