Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
