JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
