Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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