I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
