$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think i have two assholes
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
