Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
