I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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