Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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