Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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