Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
