Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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