So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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