So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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