he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
