So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
